By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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