What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
