And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
