No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
