Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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