i jhust puked up my retainher.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
