You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
