Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could fuck to npr.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
