i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
