I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
