Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
