That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
