That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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