if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
