dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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