my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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