More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
