Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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