so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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