Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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