Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
