I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
