I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
