just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
