I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
