I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
