my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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