Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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