i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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