I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
