Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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