Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
