I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
40s are totally the cure
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
