I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
