we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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