theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
