dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
