I just cut my nipple shaving
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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