Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
