You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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