Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
