If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
