Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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