Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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