Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
