i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
