Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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