So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
