Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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