you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
